October 2010
14 posts
Man vs Artist #156 (Le Caw)
Man: There’s a Peacock on our Balcony, Art.
Artist: Does he know how to do taxes?
Man: … No.
Artist: Then tell me when there’s an accountant on the balcony.
Man vs Artist #155 (Avada)
Man: Art, We just hit out 201st Post!
Artist: On what?
Man: On… on our blog.
Artist: What the Christ are you talking about?
Man: You know, that blog we feature in?
Artist looks at Man in a way one would look at a madman.
Artist: I can’t say i know what you’re talking about.
Man: Art, how could you say…
Artist: Man! Shhh! Do you WANT to break the 4th wall or something?
Man vs Artist #154 (Malkovitch)
Man: Art! Come quick! I removed a panel in my room, behind the closet, and there’s a small door which has a tunnel leading to inside John Malkovitch. It last’s for about 15 minutes and then you get spat out in the shower.
Artist: That’s weird. I’ve got the same thing in my room, behind the stereo, except it’s called “Mister Sombrero” and he’s my Bong.
Man: Art! This is serious! It’s real! It’s Legit!
Artist: So is ‘Mister Sombrero’. Oh, actually, that reminds me. I have the same thing in my room. It’s in my closet though, and it’s a small door leading to 15 minutes inside Jimmy Stewart.
Man: Art, Jimmy Stewart has been dead for over 10 years now…
Artist: Yeah, I know. … It wasn’t very fun.
Man vs Artist #153 (NCQ)
Man: You know art, sometimes I feel like im just talking to the air, talking to myself… You know that feeling? … Art?
Artist:
Artist is not in the room.
Sound of door closing is heard from the hallway.
Man vs Artist #152 (Gustav Chip)
Artist: Man, no interuptions. I’m putting together this sculpture for tomorrows exhibit.
Man: Fine…
Moments later.
Man: Art! My throat is sore!!!
Artist: You’re ass is about to be sore!!
Man: …
Artist: Wh… Wha…. Because I’m about to kick it!
Man: …
Artist: I’m… going to kick your arse!
Man: …
Artist: I’ve broken you, haven’t I?
Man vs Artist #151 (That colour between red and blue)
Artist: Man! Man wake up!
Man: What is it, Art?
Artist: The apartment… It… It’s purple…
Man: It is? I can’t tell. I’m still blind from that “Milkshake Surprise” i bought down at the covered markets.
Man vs Artist #150 (Frogworks)
Artist: Man, Whats the time?
Man, form the kitchen, looks at the microwave.
Man: It’s 1:28
Artist: Alright, I need to make a call, but make sure you let me know when it hits 1:40, alright? I have a job interview at 2 in the city.
Man; Sure, Art. I’m just in here reading the paper.
Several moments later.
Artist: Man, how am I doing for time?
Man inspects the microwave.
Man: You’re fine. Plenty of time.
About an hour later.
Artist: Man, I’m off the phone, how am I for time? I got a little lost in the call.
Man: You’re fine. It’s 1:28.
Artist: …
Artist leaps into the kitchen.
Artist: What time is it?
Man: uhh… 1:28.
Artist: Where are you getting this information?
Man points to the microwave.
Artist slowly and reluctantly moves over to the microwave and presses the “cancel timer” button. The microwave now reads 3:32pm.
Man: … Oh shit!
Artist: …
Man walks over to microwave and presses “start”
Man: I forgot I had popcorn in there.
Man vs Artist #149 (Gomora)
Man: Art, What’s with the statue?
Artist: huh?
Man: The statue in your room. When did you have time to do that? I thought you had jury duty this week.
Artist: Even better. I got to be the artistic interpreter.
Man: What’s that?
Artist: Well, you know, when an Artist is asked to reproduce an artistic rendition of the court scene? For the files or whatever….
Man: So, why is there a sculpture of a lady at a witness stand? Aren’t they usually sketches?
Artist: They didn’t specify a medium, Man!
Man vs Artist #148 (Photobooth)
Man: You know, for my birthday, If you were going to get me something, you should buy a village somewhere in the third world an animal, or donate to building a well or something like that…
Artist: Well, that’s so compassionate of you. But it’s so unlike you…
Man: I’m pretty sure it’s tax deductable.
Artist: Oh, I see… How in character of you.
Man: I like to think of the big picture, you know. But you know, also stamps.
Artist: Well, I wasn’t planning on getting you anything for your birthday.
September 2010
40 posts
Man vs Artist #Infinite (A Fold) "An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his new Christian students to stand"
- Professor : You are a Christian, aren't you, son?
- Student : Yes, sir.
- Professor : So, you believe in GOD?
- Student : Absolutely, sir.
- Professor : Is GOD good?
- Student : Sure.
- Professor : Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL?
- Student : Yes.
- Professor : My Brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
- (Student was silent)
- Professor : You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is GOD Good?
- Student : Yes.
- Professor : Is Satan good?
- Student : No.
- Professor : Where does Satan come from?
- Student : From...GOD...
- Professor : That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
- Student : Yes.
- Professor : Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
- Student : Yes.
- Professor : So who created evil?
- (Student did not answer)
- Professor : Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
- Student : Yes, sir.
- Professor : So, who created them?
- (Student had no answer)
- Professor : Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe The World around you. Tell me, son...have you ever feen GOD?
- Student : No, sir.
- Professor : Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
- Student : No, sir.
- Professor : Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
- Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
- Professor : Yet you still believe in HIM?
- Student : Yes.
- Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
- Student : Nothing. I only have my Faith.
- Professor : Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.
- Student : Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
- Professor : Yes.
- Student : And is there such a thing as Cold?
- Professor : Yes.
- Student : No, sir. There isn't...
- (The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)
- Student : Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat,
- Mega Heat, White Heat, a Little Heat or No Heat. But we don't have anything called Cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero
- Which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that.
- There is no such thing as Cold.
- Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
- We cannot Measure Cold.
- Heat is Energy.
- Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.
- (There was pin-drop dilence in the Lecture Theatre)
- Student : What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as
- Darkness?
- Professor : Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
- Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the Absence of
- Something.
- You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light...
- But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its
- Called Darkness, isn't it? In reality, Darkness isn't. If it is,
- You would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
- Professor : So what is the point you are making, young man?
- Student : Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
- Professor : Flawed? Can you explain how?
- Student : Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue
- There is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD. You are
- Viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure.
- Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought. It uses Electricity and
- Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
- To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that
- Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.
- Death is Not the Opposite of Life, just the Absence of it
- Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from
- a Monkey?
- Professor : If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process,
- yes, of course, I do.
- Student : Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
- (The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the
- argument was going)
- Student : Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at
- work and Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor,
- Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
- Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
- (The Class was in uproar)
- Student : Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the
- Professor's brain?
- (The Class broke out into laughter)
- Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's
- brain, felt it, touched or smelt it?...
- No one appears to have done so.
- So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable
- Protocol, Science says that you have No Brain, sir. With all due respect,
- sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
- (The Room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face
- unfathomable)
- Professor : I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
- Student : That is it sir...Exactly!
- The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.
- That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.
- That student was ALBERT EINSTEIN.
